Shaq can stop bullets

carlos mencia is a big name in stand up. but his name has been tainted somewhat since he's been accused of stealing material from various comics. that's why when i read his contribution to the book i killed: true stories of the road from america's top comics, i couldn't decide what to think of it's credibility. read it for yourself and decide

Carlos Mencia
Shaq can stop bullets
Around 1996, Freddie Soto was on the Comedy Store stage and some black guys were making fun of him, heckling him bad. I really liked Freddie. He was young, but you culd see he had something. I walked up onstage in the middle of his act, looked at the hecklers, and said, "Listen, he's and amateur-it's amateur night. Be nice. I'll be up here in about three minutes, fuck with me." I left the stage, Freddie finished, and the emcee introduced me.
As I walked to the mike, one of the black guys yelled out, "What are you gonna do? Some of your taco-bender jokes?"
I said, "No, actually I'm gonna do some nigger jokes."
He said, "Whut?!!"
I told him,, "Hey, you can't get racial on me and think that I'm not gonna get racial on you. I'm not fucking white, I'm from the ghetto, so if this is what you fuckin' want, let's fuckin do it."
The audience went with me, so i started picking on them.
It turned out that the hecklers were Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, and the D.O.C., who had lost his voice in a car crash. He was one of my favorite artists, so i knew all of his music. He tried overpowering me, but I had the mike and he had this raspy little frog voice. I told him, "SO why'd you stop rappin'? You should have used a voice box." I started singing all of his songs as if I had a voice box. I put the mike to my throat and did one of his songs-I think it's called "Torture of a Masterpice." I had the beat and the words down, and the audience was just going fucking nuts.
Then I hear, "I'm gonna bust a cap in your fuckin' ass," and it was real. It' didn't sound funny, it didn't sound like we were kidding, ha-ha. It sounded like, "we're gonna fuckin' shoot you."
I started to get scared, and then from the other side of the room I heard a deep voice: "Naw, you ain't, bitch. You started that shit, view it." I looked over, and there was just this mass of darkness. It was just getting bigger and bigger and bigger. When I finally got to focus, I realized it was Shaq, who then told them to shut the fuck up.
I sort of crept over to Shaq's side of the stage. I wasn't stupid enough to nail the guys anymore. I just did a couple of quick ha-ha jokes and it was time for "Thank you and good night."
Like five years later, Dr. Dre was at The Comedy Store. He came up to me and said, "You're incredible. You're one of the funniest guys out there. I also want to apologize because we were gonna shoot you that night. If Shaq hadn't stepped in, you were gonna get shot."
I didn't know what to say. The man complimented me, but then said Shaq was the only thing that had kept me from getting shot onstage.
That's when I realized that jokes can be some powerful shit. Not as pwerful as Shaq, but enough to get your ass shot.

Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. But it sure is one damn good story.