Shaq can stop bullets

carlos mencia is a big name in stand up. but his name has been tainted somewhat since he's been accused of stealing material from various comics. that's why when i read his contribution to the book i killed: true stories of the road from america's top comics, i couldn't decide what to think of it's credibility. read it for yourself and decide

Carlos Mencia
Shaq can stop bullets
Around 1996, Freddie Soto was on the Comedy Store stage and some black guys were making fun of him, heckling him bad. I really liked Freddie. He was young, but you culd see he had something. I walked up onstage in the middle of his act, looked at the hecklers, and said, "Listen, he's and amateur-it's amateur night. Be nice. I'll be up here in about three minutes, fuck with me." I left the stage, Freddie finished, and the emcee introduced me.
As I walked to the mike, one of the black guys yelled out, "What are you gonna do? Some of your taco-bender jokes?"
I said, "No, actually I'm gonna do some nigger jokes."
He said, "Whut?!!"
I told him,, "Hey, you can't get racial on me and think that I'm not gonna get racial on you. I'm not fucking white, I'm from the ghetto, so if this is what you fuckin' want, let's fuckin do it."
The audience went with me, so i started picking on them.
It turned out that the hecklers were Dr. Dre, Snoop Dogg, and the D.O.C., who had lost his voice in a car crash. He was one of my favorite artists, so i knew all of his music. He tried overpowering me, but I had the mike and he had this raspy little frog voice. I told him, "SO why'd you stop rappin'? You should have used a voice box." I started singing all of his songs as if I had a voice box. I put the mike to my throat and did one of his songs-I think it's called "Torture of a Masterpice." I had the beat and the words down, and the audience was just going fucking nuts.
Then I hear, "I'm gonna bust a cap in your fuckin' ass," and it was real. It' didn't sound funny, it didn't sound like we were kidding, ha-ha. It sounded like, "we're gonna fuckin' shoot you."
I started to get scared, and then from the other side of the room I heard a deep voice: "Naw, you ain't, bitch. You started that shit, view it." I looked over, and there was just this mass of darkness. It was just getting bigger and bigger and bigger. When I finally got to focus, I realized it was Shaq, who then told them to shut the fuck up.
I sort of crept over to Shaq's side of the stage. I wasn't stupid enough to nail the guys anymore. I just did a couple of quick ha-ha jokes and it was time for "Thank you and good night."
Like five years later, Dr. Dre was at The Comedy Store. He came up to me and said, "You're incredible. You're one of the funniest guys out there. I also want to apologize because we were gonna shoot you that night. If Shaq hadn't stepped in, you were gonna get shot."
I didn't know what to say. The man complimented me, but then said Shaq was the only thing that had kept me from getting shot onstage.
That's when I realized that jokes can be some powerful shit. Not as pwerful as Shaq, but enough to get your ass shot.

Maybe it's true, maybe it's not. But it sure is one damn good story.

a little about comedy

Excerpts from Comic Insights by Franklyn Ajaye

It's pretty rare to get some good insight about standup so below I've listed some that's held a lot of sway with me. These quotes are snippets of interviews conducted by Franklyn Ajaye who then compiled them to create his book about comedy.

Jerry Seinfeld
In regards to writing or performing, Jerry Seinfeld is known for his persistence. Here he gives and example of how he approaches writing.

How long do you try to write or sit?
I say, "I'm going to sit for an hour." I always consider sitting the accomplishment. If I could boil it down to the essence of becoming a really fine comedian, it's just getting your ass from upright to seated."

Now some of you might not be impressed with the idea of sitting for an hour and writing. But keep in mind that this is joke writing we're talking about, not some birthday card or anything like that. If you've never written a joke before or even if you have, sitting for an hour to write something funny and original is one of the most difficult things out there. Give it a try.

My favorite quote from Jerry Seinfeld is about why he likes the idea of being funny.
It's fun to be funny. It's great to be funny. It's as much fun to be funny as it is to have someone be funny for you. Being on either side of that equation is just the most wonderful thing in life.

I love that quote.

first post of the new year

how many times have you seen people write it's been a long time since my last post. i gotta get more serious about this blog. and my donkey has the flu.
You haven't seen that? Really? What if i took out the donkey part? Yeah that's better. Well it has been a long time since my last one. And i guess there haven't been too many changes. Still doing stand up which is going pretty strong at this point. Now by strong I'm not saying i'm hilarious. No no no. I'm just saying that I'm starting to feel confidant that I can get onstage and not bomb. I bomb from time to time. But it is infrequent enough for me not to get all upset and emotional. I won't freak out and end up in the bathtub with a toaster over my head and plunge it into the water only to be miraculously saved because the power cut off just in time last night. on another note i'm late with the electric bill.